let your heart (be light)
by Tarafina
Summary: the holiday season has left malia wallowing over her lost family, but scott shows her she can move forward without forgetting her past.


**dedicated to** : kaycares22  
 **for** : scolia secret santa exchange  
 **word count** : 2,904  
 **summary** : when malia finds herself wallowing a little as she reflects on the family she can't spend the holiday with, scott shows her she can move forward without forgetting her past.

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 _ **let your heart (be light)**_

Malia sat in the glow of a Christmas tree, the room otherwise dark. There were exactly six presents under the tree, not-so-neatly wrapped, wearing more tape than wrapping paper. It wasn't a lack of presents that bothered her. Malia had never been one for material things. It was more the emptiness itself. There was a time when the tree would be filled with boxes and carefully wrapped presents—her mother's neat writing spelling out each name and colorful bows decorating every gift. Kylie was a bow fanatic; she wore one in her hair every day and, for extra special gifts on birthdays or Christmas, she would add extra bows so everyone would know to save it for last.

There was another box on Malia's kitchen table. It was small and unwrapped, tied with a blue ribbon the same color as her eyes. It was from Peter. She had permission to open it anytime she wanted, but she'd avoided it. He was making an effort, but there were some days, some things, she wasn't yet ready to share with him. Christmas was one of them. Then again, maybe that would've been better. Malia had invited Henry to share the holiday with her, but he had plans with his new girlfriend. Malia liked Grace, she made her dad happy in a way Malia had once worried he'd never be again. But it left her feeling incredibly alone. She was invited to come along with them, to Grace's home in Maryville, with her two children and extended family, but Malia had declined. The last thing she wanted to do was feel extra out of place. Much as she loved her dad, and she knew he loved her, there were times when it became all too clear how much time and experience had divided them.

So, this would be her first Christmas on her own and away from home. She didn't count the years that she spent as a coyote since Christmas had been far from her thoughts then. Survival and keeping warm during the winter was a priority, not egg nog and presents and a man coming down the chimney to eat his weight in cookies. But now, she was second guessing herself. The very real weight of her lost family felt all too heavy. She'd considered calling Lydia, but her friend was enjoying her first Christmas with Stiles in Washington. Malia wondered if it was an attempt to avoid Beacon Hills, where nothing ever seemed to stay calm for long.

That was where Scott was.

He had invited her along to spend the holiday with him, his mom, and Argent, but Malia had made excuses. At the time, she'd told herself it was to give him a chance to spend time with his family without her. She wondered if maybe a part of her had known her mood would dip and didn't want to put that pressure on them. Or maybe seeing them all together, looking happy, would only lead to her feeling all the lonelier. She loved Scott. He was her rock— her partner and her alpha. The last year they'd been together had been the best time of her life— you know, minus that beginning part, where it was all out war. In the aftermath, though, they'd flourished. Leaving Beacon Hills had been necessary, and she was happier for it. UC Davis wasn't easy, but she was finding her groove each day. Joining track and figuring out what she wanted to study and who she wanted to be without having to worry about the next big bad was great. She felt more in control of her life than ever. But there were some days that dragged her down. Birthdays and holidays seemed to serve as a reminder of what she'd lost. She knew she had more now. That she had people she loved and who loved her back. But there was still an ache there— an absence that was hard to fill.

Kylie loved Christmas. She would wake Malia up so early that Malia used to worry Santa hadn't even had time to visit their house yet. She would race into her room and shake Malia's shoulder, her voice high-pitched and eager. "Malia, wake up. He came, he came!"

They had a tradition that they were allowed to go through their stockings, but gifts had to wait until their parents were up and they'd all had breakfast.

A tired but excited Malia would drag herself out of bed and let Kylie tow her down the hall to their living room. They would giggle at the new presents that had been added and the stockings that had been filled to fat with chocolate and trinkets and always one pair of socks that would be lost in the melee of finding what else was inside.

This year, Malia had hung a stocking with no expectation of it being filled. It was for decoration more than anything. Red with a white top and a glittery silver 'M' across it. She'd had it all her life and her dad had made sure she packed it with her when she moved to Davis. She didn't have a fireplace. Her apartment was relatively small, but comfortable enough. Instead, she'd hooked the stocking over a push pin and stuck it into the wall right next to the tree.

A buzzing noise caught her attention then and Malia turned her head. Her phone was on the coffee table, vibrating for attention. Brow furrowed, she reached out and picked it up. Scott's grinning face stared back at her. An involuntary smile crept across her mouth and she thumbed the answer button. "Hey," she said. "You know it's late, right?"

"You think Santa will skip me?"

She snorted. "I think you're at the top of his nice list, so no."

He chuckled under his breath. "What about you?"

"Definitely not on the same list." Leaning back, she laid down on the floor and tucked an arm behind her head. "How's your mom?"

"Great. She had a ton of spiked egg nog and passed out on the couch. Argent took a picture. I'll text it to you."

She smiled. "She deserves a night off."

"Yeah. She had a good time, I think." He paused before saying, "She wondered where you were. She was hoping you would come."

Malia's heart tugged. "To be honest, I kind of wish I did, too."

Scott's voice was gentle. "Are you ready to tell me why you didn't?"

Malia closed her eyes. "I didn't want to ruin anything."

" _Lia_ …"

"I know. I know what you're going to say… That I'm not a burden and it's okay to be sad and to miss them and that I shouldn't hide from it."

"Pretty close, yeah."

Biting her lip, she sighed. "I do miss them. I _always_ miss them. But it's different on days like this. Where the whole family thing is being stuffed down my throat from every angle. Movies, TV, even the radio talks about it. But I… I don't have that. Dad is with Grace and her family. Peter's on some beach somewhere. And my mom and Kylie are _gone_. I know I can't change that but I— I _feel_ it more."

"Having Christmas with me and my family doesn't mean you're replacing yours. You can still miss them and love them and wish things were different."

"I know that, _logically_. But I just get weird and worried and I feel like all my dumb family stuff is messing things up. You guys want to have fun and I feel like I'm ruining it."

"I get that."

She frowned. "Scott, you love Christmas."

"I do," he agreed. "Because I get to spend it with everybody I love. I get to _show_ the people I care about that they matter to me. I can't afford a lot, so the gifts are a little small, but I can show it in other ways."

Malia half-smiled. "You're pretty good at showing people every other day of the year, too."

"I could probably do better."

Her brow furrowed. "What makes you say that?"

"I should've talked to you about this stuff more. I know you get quiet around Christmas and on your birthday. I know how much you miss them and I didn't even think that maybe spending time with my mom would make you feel worse."

"Not worse." She shook her head. "Just… Your mom is great. She really is. But…"

"But, she's not your mom."

"Yeah. And it just makes me wonder, you know? Would our moms like each other? Would we be having some big family Christmas together? Like those cheesy holiday movies where they go back and forth between families and it's crazy and chaotic but everyone who matters is there and they love each other, weird quirks and all."

Scott hummed. A beat passed before he wondered, "You think we'd still be together if things were different? Like, we would've found each other anyway?"

"I hope so." She tipped her head back and stared at the ceiling, where a rainbow of color from the tree blinked in and out, making waves. "I should've said something. You're always telling me I can talk to you and I really try. But sometimes I just clam up and I get scared that all my stuff is just too much."

"It's not. I mean, I have stuff, too. A lot of stuff. But I think that's okay. I think, as long as we know about it and we try to carry it with each other, it makes it easier. You've been there for me, you helped me fight and you kept me going through some of my worst days. If Christmas is especially hard for you, then I want to be there. I want to know what's going on in your head and how you're feeling and I want to help you get through it."

Malia's eyes burned and she squeezed them shut. Her mouth quivered as she said, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Not trusting you… Not sharing it with you."

"It's okay. Hey, we're both learning, right? This is the first year we've had where we weren't fighting for our lives and… it's been _great_. But, we have a lot of time to make up for. A lot of things we're still figuring out. I just want to make sure we're doing it together. I don't want to lose you or hurt you because I wasn't paying attention."

She shook her head. "You won't."

"Good." He paused. "Hey, listen, I have to go, but… we'll talk soon, okay?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Sure."

"And Malia?"

"Yeah?"

"Merry Christmas."

She smiled. "Merry Christmas."

As soon as she hung up, she regretted it. Scott had left for Beacon Hills four days ago and wouldn't be home for another three. She'd missed him from the moment he left, but it felt so much more obvious now. Here, in her empty apartment, with her tree and her single stocking, awash in a past she was tired of missing. Scott was right. She should've talked to him. Should've gone along and let herself start a new tradition. Melissa would've welcome her with open arms. Maybe not the same as her mother's, but familiar and loving all the same.

As soon as the idea entered her head, it was hard to get out. It would take her an hour and a half to drive to Beacon Hills and it was already late, but if she got up early enough, she might be able to get there for the morning. It was last minute, but it was the thought that counted, right?

A knock echoed from her door and Malia lifted her head, her brow furrowed. She hoped it wasn't her neighbor. Brenda from 3B was always borrowing something—milk, sugar, eggs—but she never returned them. Malia wasn't one for sharing, but Scott always said yes. Even if they were down to their last two eggs, he'd hand them over to whoever asked. She admired that quality in him, even if she didn't plan to replicate it anytime soon.

Making her way to the door, she was already going over her rejection speech in her head. She would attempt kindness, maybe even smile, but if Brenda thought she was getting her hands on any of Malia's food, she had another thing coming. When she opened the door, however, it wasn't Brenda.

Instead, it was Scott. His cheeks pink from the cold, a scarf around his neck, and still pulling off his gloves, he grinned at her. "I said we'd talk soon."

Malia smiled. She was in his arms before she could put much thought into it. Burying her face against his neck, she breathed out a sigh of relief. "I missed you."

"It was four days." His arms tightened around her and his mouth brushed her ear. "But I missed you, too."

Tipping her head back, she said, "Why'd you knock? You have a key."

He shrugged. "I was going for the element of surprise."

Rolling her eyes, she backed up. "Your mom won't be mad?"

"I was thinking, if you wanted to, we could go back in the morning. She'll probably be sleeping off that egg nog for a while, anyway." He followed her inside the apartment and bumped it closed with the heel of his boot. "I didn't want you to be alone and… It didn't feel right without you there."

Her heart swelled up to the point that her breath stuttered a little. Malia bit her lip to hide a smile. "You're getting sappy on me."

He ducked his head as he laughed. "I'll work on it."

Malia shook her head. "Don't. I like it."

Scott's grin was warm and soft. "I brought you something. Actually, two things." He dug around in his pockets and came up with a box and something fabric. He handed her the fabric first.

Malia unrolled it to find a weathered stocking, a faded S written on it. Her smile widened. Making her way to the kitchen, she dug around in a drawer for a push pin and brought it with her to the wall where hers was hanging. She added Scott's next to hers and stepped back to admire it.

"We can bring them home tomorrow— Mom's got a tradition of her own. But I thought, for tonight…"

Nodding, she swallowed as her throat tightened and burned. "Yeah. I like it."

"I got you one more thing. I know it's not Christmas yet, but… My dad used to let me open one present on Christmas Eve." He handed her the box. "It's kind of a joint gift. Henry helped, so…"

Malia pulled the top off and stared inside— on a cushion of white was a locket, the chain pooled beneath it. It was open and on either side was a picture, one of her mom and the other of Kylie.

"Your dad picked out the pictures. He said you'd like them."

She picked the necklace up gently and let it dangle in front of her. " _Scott_ …"

"This way, they're always with you."

Looking past the locket to him, she shook her head. Reaching out, she pressed a hand to his heart. "It's beautiful."

Half-smiling, he nodded. Taking the necklace, he carefully slid the chain over her head.

Malia reached back to lift her hair and looked down as the locket fell comfortably against her chest, still open. She cupped it between her fingers and stared down at their smiling faces for a long moment. And then she closed it. Looking up, she caught his eye. "Thank you."

Scott stepped closer, until they were nearly chest to chest. He reached up and caught her chin between his fingers, tilting it up as het met lips in a kiss. "I love you."

It didn't matter how many times she'd heard those words from him, they still made her heart jump. Closing her eyes, she leaned forward, resting her forehead against his. She reached up, her hand hooked at the nape of his neck, fingers tucked in his hair. "I love you, too."

They stayed like that for a long moment, soaking it in.

But, eventually, Malia moved to his side and turned to face the tree and the stockings. For the first time in a long time, she felt like her new beginning wasn't being haunted by her past. Instead, it was walking hand in hand with it. As much as she missed her mom and her sister, and as much as she mourned the years she lost with _both_ of her father, she was ready to move forward. She wasn't losing the people of her past, instead she was building a future that would have room for them, too.

Malia reached out— her fingers skimmed down Scott's forearm and across his wrist before sinking down his palm in chase of his own. His fingers parted, leaving space for hers to fit. She leaned her shoulder against his and breathed out a happy sigh. Tomorrow, they would take their stockings and their gifts and make the drive out to Beacon Hills. But tonight, it was just them— a family of two that had faced the worst the world had to offer, overcame, and walked not just away, but toward something. Life, each other, and a future filled with love, hope, and happiness.

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 **end**

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 **author's note** : _happy holidays to everybody and especially to **kaycares22**! i will be out of town visiting my sister for the holiday season so updates may be a little sporadic. but i thankfully got this done in advance and am to happy to share a little slice of scalia with everyone. :) _

_thanks so much for reading! please try to leave a review!  
_ **\- Lee | Fina**


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